Laugh, it's funny.



can I quote you?

I love collecting humorous sayings, banterings, and other writings that I come across on my journeys around the Web. Below you can find the "best of the best." A word of warning is due, however, as some of the items below contain adult material and language... "Parental guidence is advised."

fortune's motm

The Theorem Theorem: If if, then then.

That that is is that that is not is not.

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders.

People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war

Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.

Profanity is the last resort of inarticulate motherfuckers.

Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien. (Better is the enemy of good.)

Life isn't a bitch. Life is a virgin. A bitch is easy.

Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. -- Russian Proverb


Linus Torvalds: Eventually the revolutionaries become the established culture, and then what will they do?

David Hand: My trick is usually just to start throwing CSS at the problem until the problem becomes uglier and harier [sic], then I play quake.

David Hand: If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set Man on Fire.

nagora: When a twit like you starts defending M$ the question I always want to ask is "If they're not a pack of $h!ts why do they bribe, threaten, steal and lie? Do you think it's some sort of hobby?"

Matt Groening: Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

wowbagger: But, Microsoft doesn't have public relations people: it has public opinion management people. Microsoft has never had any relation with the public (unless you define "relation" in the same way as used in this example: "The larger of the two prisoners had relations with the smaller").

danceswithcrows diary entry: "My Eyeballs Hurt, My Windows Install is Flaky, and I Don't Love Jesus"
MrAcheson: "Don't worry man he still loves you. :)"
xdroop: "...and he needs money."

wass: Can't we all just get a long? Or a 16-bit int at least?

?: The Six Phases of a Project: (1) Enthusiasm (2) Disillusionment (3) Panic (4) Search for the Guilty (5) Punishment of the Innocent (6) Praise for non-participants

Chester K: If you're still using Netscape 4... well... popup ads should be bliss for you since you obviously like pain.

Fatal0E & Chundra...
Fatal0E: "Just when I thought that I knew the difference between a Service Pack, Security Rollup Patch and a cumulative Hot Fix they go and release a Security Bulletin like this one."
Chundra: "Ok it's easy:
"Service Packs are the small, 6-8oz cups with the foil tops. They usually contain yogurt or pudding.
"Rollup Patches are dried fruit puree attached to thin plastic wrap. You tear the fruit substance off the plastic before eating.
"Hot Fixes are the things you remove from the plastic bag and put in the microwave. They usually consist of some sort of bread substance with a meaty and/or cheesy filling.
"Hope that clears things up."

Master Bait: I for one appreciate Microsoft's up-front attitude by them including a separate folder for My Viruses and another one for My Exploits.

Arkady: "Assert, as practiced by every C++ environment I've used, basically means "check this condition and blow chuncks if it's not met". ... [Assert] treats your app like a sick horse: it shoots it for you and lets you figure out why by looking at the corpse."

Embedded Geek: PS - Random thought - imagine IP addresses in Rome: ccv.xcv.xxx.ii. But then they'd have had to cross the Atlantic and conquer the Aztecs to get zero and make it work...

fluxrad: Of course the best scientist of all time: Flemming - for inventing antibiotics. I can just see that conversation with his assistant, Chuck.
Flemming: Chuck! Come Quickly!
Chuck: what is it sir????
Flemming: eat this shit that's floating in sink! it's looks healthy!
Chuck: right away sir!

MBCook: NT is a weak form of unix like a donught is a weak form of a particle accelerator.

flacco: Watching Microsoft deal with "consumers" is like being an orderly in the coma ward, and walking in on the head physician while he's raping unconscious patients in their hospital beds.

dasmegabyte: I generally use that time to take a big dump. Maybe the RIAA should sue my colon. If I know ahead of time, I can have taco bell for lunch and guarantee a large settlement.

belloc: ...not *everything* has to be a political statement. You could just video tape yourself burning or shitting on your windows CD in front of a linux flag or something. ;)

Trevalyx: Your dorm bathrooms are certainly cleaner than ours.. Had you dropped a palm in our dorm's bathroom, you would have pulled back a stump when you reached into the toilet. The single-celled bacteria that are large enough to see with the naked eye would have had it in their posession and moved to the showers (their strong hold) so quickly that you wouldn't have had time to notice the amassing forces of green virii amassing for attack from the stall door...

trouser: "Now there are about 75 billion titles. Underwater Basket Weaving in XML. Genital Hygene with .NET. See Spot Run and write a Perl script. The Love That Dare Not Speak It's Name While Hacking Some Awesome DHTML Tricks With Javascript And Then Going To The Toilet, though not in a rude way, how lucky you English are to find the toilet such a source of amusement, for us it is strictly functional.
"If O'Reilly was a pet it would be like a stinky old dog that isn't cute anymore and it's blind in one eye and has fleas and pees when it's excited."

Tackhead, discussing the stupidity of Windows XP's implementation of user-specific system file structures: I mean, what the fuck? What the fucking fuck fuck?

fenix down, discussing the need for wings on spacecraft: Because when these dogfight it looks cool. When these dogfight, it looks like squid fucking.

Elizabeth Rozin in Primal Cheeseburger: If the melting pot exists, the cheeseburger may well be its most palpable product; to take a bite of it is to take a bite of history...

harley_frog: I can crack any CD in two seconds. Just grab either side with both hands and bend it until it cracks. Works best with Brittney Spears and Backstreet Boys CDs. ;)

Seanasy: [Where's the crack?]
The record execs have smoked it all.

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